When You Become Your Own Parent

What Happens When You Never Stop Parenting

Parenting is a difficult road to navigate. Most of us can look back on childhood and remember moments when our parents seemed irrational or illogical, especially when things didn’t go the way we hoped. But often, that is simply the way life is perceived through the eyes of a child. This is a normal part of growing up.

But what about those of us who really didn’t have parents who parented. We all had biological parents of course, but did they nurture and love us? For far too many to count, this is their story and it’s heartbreaking.

I have noticed a pattern in those of us who lacked nurturing or endured abuse: we often learn to become our own parent. Every child longs for love, protection, and someone to stand up for them. When those needs go unmet, a different way of coping often takes root.

When no one was there to nurture and protect us, we stepped into a role we were never designed to carry. What helped us survive as children often becomes a burden as adults. God is not condemning us for self-parenting; He is inviting us to lay that burden down and let Him parent us.

The burden of self-parenting is ruled by fear. That fear can make us withdraw and shrink back, or it can surface as aggression. When no one has protected us, our self-parenting instinct stays on alert, saying, “Danger—defend yourself, you’re under attack.” As a result, we can become easily offended or we become self-condemning.

The short of it is we cannot parent ourselves. We are terrible at it.

The good news is you are born again. Born again means you have a parent. His name is Yehovah. He desperately wants to parent you, protect you, and love on you.

This is why, when Jesus taught us to pray, He began with “Our Father.” In the Aramaic, (the language Jesus spoke), He would have said “Abwun”. From a Semitic linguistic perspective, it means Parent or Parenting in the same way a good father and mother parents.

There is nothing lacking in His oversight of us. What was missing as a child, what was stolen as child is restored. He is Abwun and He has you covered.

Let’s pray now.

God, You are my parent who has birthed me into Your family of love and protection. I recognize that I have been living in survival mode, trying to parent myself.

I have been my own father and mother, and I have failed miserably. I renounce self-parenting and the ways I have hurt myself by believing I needed punishment or being on the defense for fear of being hurt by others.

I renounce always looking for what is wrong with me and always expecting the worse. My God-Parent, Abwun, only sees what is right with me. I choose to see how God sees me knowing He delights in me in so many ways.

Jesus took all that I thought was wrong with me and all the hurt I experienced in His own body and nailed it to the Tree so I can be free. He is perfect love and He loves me perfectly.

Every spirit of Fear is cast out. Every lie that says it was my fault, or that nobody cares leaves with that fear. God your my defense and You is not angry with me. You do not want to punish me. You already wrote a new script! “My child in whom I am pleased. I love you”.

Thank you for opening my eyes and filling my heart to receive Your truth and see the loved and protected me. Amen

1Jn 4:18 NET There is no fear in love, but perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears punishment has not been perfected in love.